Fears.

We all have them. We all have LOTS of them, whether we are willing to admit it or not. Mine range from worrying if the outfit I'm wearing shows the 10 pounds of baby weight I have leftover from Knox to whether or not I'm a good mom to if my husband knows JUST how much I love and appreciate him even though I'm not the best at expressing it.

While we're admitting things, I'll admit to you that One Tree Hill will forever be one of my favorite shows. Seriously. I laughed, I cried, and I was devastated with the last episode aired. It's okay to laugh at me. I could probably go back and watch each season all over again and enjoy it just as much the second time. Amidst the suspense drama of it all, there were always some really great nuggets of wisdom. Like this one from Whitey. Oh how wise he was.

 

I love this. Because in reality (yes, I know OTH is not reality)  we ARE all afraid. Why are we so ashamed of it? It is human nature to be afraid. It's in our DNA. But instead of hiding from our fears, why not face them head on? Conquer them, or at least give them all you've got. 

Yesterday our message in church was absolutely amazing. It was basically about getting back to Jesus. As Christians in America, we have somehow separated Christianity and truly living for Christ. One of my very biggest fears is that I will miss an opportunity to share Jesus with someone because I am afraid of how they will react or because I'm not sure I have the right words or because I can't quite remember what I learned in church. We talked in our Bible Study group about just being real. It doesn't matter that I don't have the right words. Who really wants to sit there and listen to me recite something that I've practiced a million times? I'm certainly not perfect. Far, far from it in fact. So why would I want people to think that's what I strive to be? I know I'm not perfect, and in Jesus, I don't have to be. He has redeemed me. Every bit of me: good, bad and ugly. 

In Jesus, I can face my fears head on knowing that His plan for my life will prevail no matter what. I may not always make the right choice, but I will always end up back on the path He has laid for me.

Sometimes.

Sometimes being a mom is just plain hard. Agreed? No one ever talks about their hard days. It takes me back to the whole "fakebook" fad a little while back. We are so quick to post how cute our kids are being or how beautiful the day is and how much we are enjoying it. I'm equally as guilty as the next person.

Here is my reality:

Last Thursday, I picked Knox up from MDO and he was happy as could be. He came home and took a nap, woke up, and we were going to go to Clayton's parents for dinner. I got him dressed and we were just about ready to go. He was in the bathroom and all of a sudden came running out scratching at his tongue. I thought he had put soap in his mouth or something, so I set him on the kitchen counter and started trying to look in his mouth. About ten seconds later he started projectile vomiting alllll over the counter. We are talking exorcist style. And it went on and on and on. He finally stopped and I was able to get him in the bathtub to clean him up. Clayton wasn't home because he was already at his parents doing some work for them. I called him freaking out because I didn't really know what to do, and honestly, I didn't know how I was going to clean up the ridiculous amount of vomit on my kitchen counter. Those that know me well know that I DON'T do vomit. I got him bathed and he seemed to be okay. Then he decided he wanted pancakes. Blueberry pancakes. So, I gave them to him. Within fifteen minutes they were all over the floor. And all over me. Back to the bathtub we went. I let him play in there while I washed the pancakes out from between my toes. Clayton came home about that time, so lucky him, he got to clean up the pancake mush on the floor. He threw up a couple more times and then asked to go to bed. That NEVER happens. I put him to bed just knowing that he would be up all night. Thankfully, he slept straight through the night. I thought maybe that meant the bug was behind us, but unfortunately that wasn't so.

The next morning his precious aunt decided that donut holes would be a good breakfast choice. So of course, we saw those again a little while later. After Friday morning though, everything seemed to be heading in the right direction. Thankfully, no more throwing up. Not so thankfully, the liquid filled diapers continued. I won't go into detail, but Clayton had to bathe Knox as soon as he woke up Sunday morning. I'll just leave that one to your imagination.

Fast forward to yesterday (Monday). My dad kept Knox yesterday morning for a couple of hours so I could get some things done. I got a text about an hour into it telling me that he had already changed two awful diapers and his shorts were in the washer. Great. I picked him up, we came home, and he pretty quickly went down for a nap. He woke up with another awful diaper. I changed him, and about five minutes later another one. Changed him again, and immediately, you guessed it ANOTHER one. I was DONE at that point. I thought my head was going to explode if I had to change one.more.diaper. Liquid filled diapers, at that. We rescheduled dinner at Clayton's parents for last night, so after all the diapers and a few fits in between, we finally headed out. Halfway there I heard (and smelled) another one. The smell was so awful that I KNEW it had to be everywhere. So we pulled into a parking lot where I proceeded to throw away the shorts he was wearing. We finally showed up for dinner with Knox and a diaper and me with quite a few new gray hairs.

So today, my house is a wreck, the sink is full of dirty dishes, I have two weeks worth of laundry to catch up on and I had to keep Knox home today. Sometimes, being a mom is just plain hard.

None of this was meant to complain. Even on the hardest days, I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything. But being a mom is usually not glamorous and my kid is pretty much never perfect even remotely well behaved. Does that mean I love him any less? Nope. If anything, most of the time I have to turn around so he doesn't see me laugh. Did I mention that the stomach bug probably came from his new found love for laying on the floor in the middle of public places? You know, super clean places like WalMart. Yeah, that's my life on a daily basis.

So yeah, being a mom to a rough and tumble, rambunctious, wild 21 month old little boy is rough. It's definitely not all rainbows and unicorns. But I love it. I mean, who could resist this?

My Reason Why.

When I first started out on this new adventure with Rodan + Fields, I was told to write my reason why. At the time, it was as simple as, "I want to help provide for my family, and I want to be able to give back." My oh my how that has evolved and changed over the last seven months.

I was not particularly interested in skincare. Okay, I wasn't at ALL interested in skincare. I was the girl who had taken her makeup off with a baby wipe right before bed for YEARS. I would occasionally wash my face with Clayton's face wash if I thought about it. But that was rare. I never had skin problems, so I never felt the need to take care of my skin. My oh my how that has ALSO changed over the last seven months!

I have become completely and totally passionate about skincare. My own, my friends, my family...and pretty much everyone I come into contact with. Skin is the first thing I notice. Don't worry-I promise I'm not silently judging you or picking your face apart. I'm just more aware. I want to shout from the rooftops how damaging the sun can be. And those tanning beds. Oh man. I cringe when I think about the damage I did in my teenage years.

What started as a way to help support my family has turned into so much more. Here is my new and improved reason why:

I will provide for my family. I will have my children's college paid for. In full. I will be completely debt free. I will help underprivileged and homeless children. I will support missionaries. I will take the financial burden off of Clayton. I will invest in my community. I will invest in things I believe in. My children will understand what it means to truly give. As a family, we will be the hands and feet of Jesus-whatever that may mean at the time.

As my passion for skincare has grown, so has my passion for what this business will do for my family. This is truly an amazing company and I am so thankful for this opportunity. As my income grows, so does my ability to fund my passions. I never want my family to be so far removed from reality that we forget what it's like to struggle. So I have made a commitment to myself: We will live a comfortable lifestyle, but we will NEVER stop helping those who need it. We don't need a lavish life to be happy. You can't take it with you when you're gone.

Okay, that's all for today folks. Like I said when I started blogging again, I just need somewhere to spill all my thoughts! :)

Feeling Thankful and Ready for Fall.

Clayton and I always talk about all of the places we want to visit. I've wanted to take him to Southern California to hangout with my uncles and visit my old stomping grounds for as long as we've been together. Like most people, finances always held us back. Well, that dream is now a reality and we are headed to sunny SoCal for Thanksgiving this year! I could not be more excited. There are so many things I want to show he and Knox and share with them from that season of my life. This is one of my favorite pictures I ever took while I was living there and every time I plan a visit, I look at this and get so giddy! This time is no exception. I love my life in Texas and wouldn't give it up for all the world's riches, but a piece of my heart will always lie on this beach and I am beyond excited to share it with my family!

When I got started with Rodan + Fields, I just assumed it would be a nice little bit of extra money each month. You know, enough for us to go out to eat a few times, maybe pay a couple of small bills. I could have never imagined what it would actually be. I never thought that within less than a year I would be booking a trip on a whim without thinking twice about it. I never imagined that I'd be a full time stay at home mom and spend so much time with Knox. I was talking to Tori today and will be able to help fund her doing some things during her time in the mission field of Madagascar that before I would have just had to pray someone else could fund. God has truly blessed this little side gig and today I am feeling extra thankful for that!

And on a completely unrelated note, I wore this super cute pair of camo flats today in honor of the slightly cooler weather. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit excited about the camo trend for next season. Come on, fall!

Life as of Late

So I made the decision to start blogging again...and then life got crazy. No big surprise there. So here's a little update on how life is going in the Pavlic household these days:

• We laid Clayton's precious grandmother to rest a couple of weeks ago. It was a sad and joyous occasion. She will be dearly missed here on Earth, but we are so happy that she is dancing with Jesus and is no longer suffering. She loved Knox more than life and I am so thankful that he got to spend the first year of his life with her. I will treasure the pictures for a lifetime and I can't wait to show them to him when he gets older and tell her all about what an amazing woman she was.

• I went to Houston last week to help my grandmother get some things done. Clayton had to go take some classes for work anyway, so we made it a family trip and took Knox down to Galveston on Saturday. I am L O V I N G having such a flexible schedule and that I can just up and go to Houston at the drop of a hat if that's what I want to do. I thank God for that little blessing pretty often. Knox is such a little fish and he loves the beach. It was rainy and cloudy when we first got down there, so we went to Murdochs and The Strand first. We ate at Rainforest Cafe and Knox had a BLAST! I was on the fence- I knew he would either love it or hate it. He loved all of the animals and we went on the Rainforest Ride and he had so much fun pointing out all the animals. It's crazy how quickly he is growing up!

• Today, Knox has decided that we are celebrating Christmas in August. He found all of his Christmas PJs and we've had at least 4 outfit changes this morning so that he can wear ALL of them. This kid...

Back to Blogging.

Wow. Knox was two and a half WEEKS old the last time I blogged! Goodness. I decided today that I feel like I have a lot to say, so it was probably time to start blogging again. :) Don't get too excited- I don't have anything life altering to say. I just need a place to spill all my random thoughts. Maybe if I can get them all out of my head before bedtime, I will be able to get to sleep before midnight! Here is a quick rundown of what has happened since my last post:

• Knox turned one in December.
• Clayton and I turned 28 this year.
• I became a Rodan + Fields consultant in January.
• Jessica and I closed the Blithe Boutique storefront in April to be a trunk show/online business

That's really about it. Our lives aren't very exciting. So now that you're all up to date, I will try to post more often! Basically, get ready for my crazy ramblings, my hot friggin mess of a life and my horror hilarious stories about raising a 19 month old monster!

Introducing Knox!

I can't believe Knox is two and a half weeks old and I haven't posted a single blog about him! Sooo this one is going to be long!

After my last post, I went to the doctor and she decided she would let me go to 40 weeks but no further. Technically I turned 40 weeks on a Sunday, but she was going to be out of town. We decided on the following Tuesday, December 20th, as an induction date if I hadn't gone into labor on my own at that point. Well, of course I didn't! So Clayton and I headed to the hospital Tuesday evening. We got all settled into our room and waited for my doctor to decide what our plan of action was. I was STILL a 2 and 50% effaced (same as I had been since 35 weeks). They decided to do Cervidil that night, which takes 12 hours. I won't go into all the details about how that went...but let me just say, if you're going to be induced, try to avoid Cervidil if at all possible! It was not enjoyable. After that, they gave me an Ambien and I slept like a rock! At about 9 Wednesday morning they took the Cervidil out and I had progressed to a 2.5 and 70% effaced. Really? So they went ahead and started the pitocin and came in every 30 minutes to turn it up. I started having contractions pretty quick, but they were really mild. All of a sudden mid-morning they started getting a lot more intense really quickly. They finally gave me some pain medicine which totally knocked me out. Clayton said I would wake up and have a really intense contraction and immediately pass back out. I honestly hardly remember it. Sometime after lunch they checked me and I had FINALLY made enough progress to get my epidural. I don't know why anyone would ever choose to give birth without one. It is seriously the most amazing thing ever. Between that and the pain medicine, I spent most of the rest of the afternoon sleeping! About 3:30 I woke up and was feeling quite a bit of pressure so I had my mom call the nurse. She came in and told me I was ready to start pushing! They got everything all set up and just a little before 4 I started pushing. Knox's heart rate kept dropping, so my doctor really made me work hard to get him out quickly. I had in my head that I would be pushing for a loooong time because most people I know have had to...especially with their first. Well, at 4:20 he made his debut with a head full of hair! I don't know how people push for hours and hours. I was exhausted after 30 minutes! They took him over and cleaned him up and got his lungs cleaned out and I just remember Clayton saying "Do you hear him?! That's him crying!" I was so out of it that it took me a minute to really take it all in. Pretty quick after they came and laid him on my chest and it was the most amazing thing I have ever felt. I knew I would be completely overcome with love the second I saw him...but it was just indescribable. Never in my life had a felt anything like it! He immediately became the most important thing in our lives.

After everything was done, the nurse told me to spend about 30 minutes trying to nurse him before we let people start coming in to see him. After hearing everyone's horror stories about breastfeeding, I wasn't too optimistic but I knew I wanted to give it a shot. Well, this little man took to it like a champ and we haven't had a single problem since! After that his grandparents came to meet him and then his aunts and one of his uncles and all of his favorite people (okay, maybe my favorite people...but they will be his too I'm sure!).

After about two hours of visiting it was time for Daddy to take him to the nursery to be weighed and measured and cleaned up. The doctor (the one who wasn't sure I was going to be able to deliver this baby in the beginning) had estimated he would be about a seven pound baby. She even did an ultrasound the night we got to the hospital and she still thought he was probably right around seven pounds. WRONG! He was 8lbs 1oz and 20 inches long! Big baby boy! We all thought he was a little bigger than seven pounds, but none of us thought he was THAT much bigger!

He did great eating and sleeping the night we stayed in the hospital. The nurse would bring him to us when he would wake up but not once did he come in crying. He was always just wide awake and looking around! My doctor came first thing Wednesday morning and discharged me, but Knox had to stay a full 24 hours before he could be discharged. Thankfully the nursery nurse was a long time family friend who did her best to get us out of there as quickly as possible. A little before 5 she called the room and said if we'd come to the nursery we could get all of the paperwork done and head home! So by 5:30 we were on our way! I absolutely couldn't wait to get that sweet boy home and it was so surreal thinking that he was going home with us.

My mom stayed with us the first night and Clayton's parents brought dinner for both families. It was nice to have everyone out there to hangout for a little bit before we went to bed. My mom was absolutely our saving grace that night. Knox was a little fussy and she would just take him and rock him and walk around with him and let us sleep. I was afraid that was how the next few weeks would be but we have truly been blessed with an amazing baby! Since that night he has slept at LEAST 4 hours at a time at night and goes right back to sleep after he eats.

He had his first doctors appointment first thing Friday morning just to check on him and do his circumcision. His doctor is the doctor that basically raised my sisters and me. We grew up next door to his family and he has been our doctor our whole lives. It is so neat to see him now taking care of MY baby! He said Knox looked great and his circumcision went perfectly (he was almost back asleep by the time we got back in the room). He was down to 7lbs 14oz which wasn't bad at all.

That's about it for the first few days of life for Knox! Next up will be Christmas (if I can get around to it)! We are loving life with this precious boy and soaking up every second of him because he is already changing so much and so quickly!