A Glimpse into Poverty.

At our last Junior League meeting, our (fabulous, wonderful, amazing) president left us with some statistics and a challenge. It was really eye opening, so I wanted to share it with you.
Our mission is to serve the women and children of Angelina County. Our signature project, Back to School Bonanza, does just this.
Each year we provide at least 2,000 backpacks full of the necessary school supplies to begin the school year. Parents can bring their kids for: vision screening, head check, hearing screening, immunizations, hair cut, uniforms, and other things to help them kick their school year off right. 
Based on the data collected from Back to School Bonanza and income eligibility for our programs, the average income is calculated on a one parent household with three children. Assuming they are working 40 hours a week at minimum wage, their net income after withholding would be around $1,004.00 a month. Based on the SNAP (food stamp) program guidelines, they would qualify for about $347 a month, or 80.13 a week, in food stamps. 
So the challenge was to feed our family for a week on $80.
I thought that sounded easy enough. We usually eat dinner at my parents house on Mondays and with Clayton's parents one night a week. 
So I made my grocery list and I headed to the grocery store thinking "I've got this."
We eat pretty healthy (emphasis on pretty) in our house. I make most everything from scratch and we have cut out most processed foods, so the bulk of my groceries are bought in the produce and meat sections. 
I started off pretty well because produce is mostly inexpensive. 
Then I went for meat. That added a pretty hefty dollar amount to my basket. Do you know how much ground beef is?! I knew it was expensive, but I had never really paid attention to just how much it was because we don't eat a whole lot of it.
I got out of those sections mostly unscathed and headed for the dairy. I got my staples and then hit the aisles for the few things I needed. This is where a big realization hit.
Healthy food is expensive. My box of brown rice noodles was three times the price of good ol' enriched noodles.
I started walking the aisles and paying attention to the healthier options of things and noticing how much more expensive they are.
We tend to blame the obesity epidemic in the US on laziness and lack of education. And don't get me wrong, that is a BIG part of it. But how can families living below the poverty line justify spending an extra $3 on a box of healthier noodles?
My trips to the grocery store typically consist of me getting the things on my list and throwing anything else in the buggy that I decide I need while I'm there. We DO have a budget for groceries, but going over it by $5, $10 even $20 isn't the end of the world. For people living in poverty, it could mean not getting the electricity bill paid.
I managed to come in around $75. I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to get food for a week for that and it opened my eyes to my frivolous spending at the grocery store. BUT that did not include ANY household items. That was strictly food. And I did have to sacrifice some of our healthier options to stay under budget.
It was such a great experience and really gave me a glimpse into the lives of the people we serve. We are so willing to do so much for them, but it's hard to relate to them and I feel like this helped tremendously, and for that I am thankful! 
And just for fun, here is my $75 worth of groceries...

All the Judgy Parenting.

Can't we all just get along and live in peace and harmony? Okay, maybe that's a little extreme. But friends, for the love. Can't we at least just embrace our differences and stop all this judgy parenting?

 I feel like every time I turn around someone else has posted a judgmental parenting blog post/article/status on Facebook. Or even better, when someone posts something that they think is sweet or they can relate to, and someone posts a judgy comment on that.

We all parent differently. We are all different.

Does that make your parenting style the right one? No. No more than it makes me dragging my screaming child into the McDonald's bathroom to spank him yesterday the "right" parenting style.

Yes, I spanked him. Gasp. Maybe you don't believe in spanking. That's okay. I do. And that's okay too.

Sometimes I give my kid Oreo's for breakfast. Because you know what? I don't feel like fighting with him.

Sometimes I let him watch ten episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in one day. Because I need to get some things done.

Sometimes I let Gavin watch TV. Because some days it's the only thing that keeps him from crying.

 Sometimes we eat McDonald's and Chick-fil-A in the same day. (Maybe we did that yesterday.) Because I need to get out of the house.

Sometimes I throw random parties for him and a couple of his friends because I know it will absolutely make his day. Because I adore every inch of him and want to do things for him that he loves.

Sometimes I sit and snuggle with him and the baby on the couch instead of cleaning the house. Because I know that far too soon he will be too big to snuggle.

Maybe my house is a total disaster almost all the time. Because sometimes there are just things that are more important. And because I live with Hurricane Knox.

Sometimes he wears a bandana and a fireman hat to school. Because he just wants to.

Sometimes he shows the most amazing childlike faith and trust in God you've ever seen. Because really, we are good parents and do our best to raise our kids to be Godly people.

I don't go into the play place with him, because he has to learn to do things on his own.

I don't help him climb up the really high areas of the playground. And it's not because I'm lazy, so I don't need you to look judgingly my way while you help him either.

Maybe I'm sitting on the park bench playing on my phone while he plays and the baby sleeps. Because 85% of my conversation during the day is with a toddler. Sometimes I want to feel like an adult.

I don't make him give a toy to another child just because he/she wants it, because that is not real life. I do make him give it back if he takes it from them instead of blaming it on him being a child and not understanding.

Here is the most controversial one:

Sometimes, I let him play with my phone. But wait, I'll do you one even better. He has his own iPod (which is really just my old phone). Yep. You read that right. My two year old has his own iPod. 

He is incredibly smart. And I'm not saying that in a "my child is a genius" sort of way. It's just a fact. He is very, very smart. He has tons of education apps that he absolutely adores.

You know what he has learned from them? The alphabet. And the sound each letter makes. And within the next six months I have a sneaking suspicion he will start reading.

And numbers. And shapes. And animals.

And your mind would just be blown at how much he knows and how well spoken he is.

Don't get me wrong, he learns a LOT at Mother's Day Out. A whole lot.

But the fact of the matter is, I do not sit down and teach him these things. I am not a teacher. It is not my gift. We talk about things, but I do not teach him other than by our conversations and his observations of my life.

Maybe you sit down every day and do an alphabet lesson with your toddler. Maybe you homeschool your kids. I applaud you. Your parenting style is different than mine and I have so much respect for you.

But it doesn't make me a bad mom because I don't do those things.

Maybe you don't give your kid Oreo's for breakfast. Or at fast food. Or let them watch TV. Or let them have a phone at age two.

Maybe you do sit in the play area and climb around the playground equipment with your kids instead of playing mindlessly on your phone.

Maybe you make sure your house is clean before sitting down on the couch with your kids.

But you know what? It's okay. We are all okay.

We are all doing the very best we can to raise tiny humans to be good big humans. And we all do it differently.

My parenting style doesn't have to look like yours. You don't even have to like mine. And who's to say I like yours? But that doesn't matter. You do what works best for you and your children. And vice versa.

 Why can't we all just start respecting those differences and that we are all a mess?

And we just pray that by God's saving grace our kids will all turn out okay. And that's really the best we can do for them.

What I Think About Your Boobs.

I keep seeing all of these blog posts about boobs. Boobs everywhere. I feel like my head has been spinning about all of this and I have so many thoughts about it all. So I'm going to share them with you. Not because my opinion matters, but because this is my blog and I can write about whatever I want. Including boobs.
The first post that was posted in my newsfeed was from a woman pleading with other women to stop posting their bikini pictures on Facebook. Do you want to know what stands out to me the very most from her post? The part where she says she is fighting for her marriage. 
I don't know anything about fighting for my marriage because Clayton and I haven't been through that. My guess is that most people read right past that part because they were too busy chastising this woman for writing a blog post telling women that her husband didn't need to see their boobs. 
She says she's not insecure, but if you were fighting for your marriage don't you think you would feel just a bit insecure? Don't you think you would subconsciously pick yourself apart and wonder what your husband no longer loved about you...even if the reason you were fighting for your marriage had nothing to do with your physical appearance?
Don't you think you'd be constantly wondering if he was looking at other women thinking about how you don't measure up?
I understand the point the woman was trying to make, but I also understand why it got people so upset.
All of that being said, I don't expect women to stop posting pictures of themselves in their swimsuits on social media. I trust my husband. But let's face it, we're human. If there's a picture of a woman with a great body in a swimsuit, do I naively think he just averts his eyes? No. Is it sinful? Yes. But not anymore sinful than the mega-overeating-binge eating myself into a coma-fest that I may have gone on the night before.
Now, the next post I read. This is the one that really gets me. I just read this one yesterday. I probably couldn't even find it again if I tried, nor do I want to. This one was in response to the original post. 
This girl picked apart the blog post sentence by sentence and repeatedly chastised this woman. It instantly made me sick to my stomach and broke my heart. I had to stop after something along the lines of "you are a terrible, miserable woman who will be cheated on in no time." Wow.
Instead of berating people, why not lift them up? Why not pray for them?
Everyone has an opinion, and here is mine. 
Do I care what kind of swimsuit you wear? No. Do I care if you post pictures of yourself on Facebook in said swimsuit? No. Am I going to judge you based on your swimsuit? No. Unless it's ugly. Then I might. (kidding.) Am I going to wear a bikini and post pictures of myself in it on Facebook? No.
As a married, God fearing woman (who also happens to have a not so rockin post baby body) I personally feel like it's disrespectful to my husband, to myself and to Jesus to do so. But like I said, that's my personal feeling. And it's okay if yours is different. This isn't about you. It's about me. And my world doesn't revolve around your beliefs and feelings.
But even more near and dear to me (and the point I'm trying to make), I feel I would be doing my children a disservice. 
Yes, I'm raising boys. With that, comes teaching them about relationships and about women. More importantly, SHOWING them about relationships. 
I want my boys to respect modesty in a woman. I want them to fully grasp the concept of the body being a temple. I want them to love women who respect themselves.
That looks different to everyone, and that's okay.
To me, that looks like wearing a more modest swimsuit in public. But it doesn't even stop there. It looks like wearing age appropriate clothes that aren't super revealing. Even when I workout. 
Does that I mean I go out covered head to toe? Heck no. It's too hot for all that.
As much as I feel like this is for my children, it is also out of respect for my husband. Why would I want to run around town in clothes that show off parts of my body that are meant for no one but him? What is the point in that?
Do you want to know the craziest part to me? It wasn't until I read those two blog posts that I realized it, but this has all just come naturally. If you know me well, you know I am not a modest person. I guess it's been a gradual change. I didn't wake up one day and think "I'm going to stop wearing two piece swimsuits and low cut shirts today."
God has changed me and molded me into a woman who respects modesty and wants her children to do the same, and for that I am thankful.  

Overwhelming.

So I decided I wanted to be a better blogger and then I took a small three month hiatus. If I had to choose one word to describe the last three months, it would be: overwhelming. Not necessarily in a bad way, but overwhelming nonetheless.  In the months of March and April I had two really big volunteer commitments and one smaller one. My baby sister came home from Africa. My middle sister got married in the hill country. Oh, and somewhere in there I had a baby. It makes me tired just reliving it all in my mind. So, blogging got put on the back burner. I want to share all of these things, and plan to do so over the next few posts.  While I most definitely don't have it all together with a two year old and a one month old, I want to remember these times when my kids are older. So over the next few weeks I will share with you: Jessica's bachelorette party, Tori's trip home, Gavin's birth story, Knox's birth story (because I've never written it and I want to before I forget), Jessica's (beautiful, perfect, amazing) wedding, how life has been with two kids, and anything else I can remember that has happened in the past few months. So for today, that's it. But be on the lookout for more exciting posts to come! Today I am going to do my best to entertain Knox while it pours rain outside and turns my yard into our own personal monsoon. I hope you all have a fantastic day!

Random Things.

1. I looked back through a bunch of old pictures this week. First, I cried. Am I really only a year (and 3 months) away from being 30? Where did my twenties go? And is my sweet precious baby really TWO?! Oh, man. At this rate, he will be 18 and moving off to college next year. I'm not ready for him to grow up. Not even close.

2. But then, I got really excited about all the super cute clothes he had as a kid that I now get to put on Gavin. You know, before he got all opinionated about what he wears. And only wants to wear blue jeans, tshirts and cowboy boots. I think my very favorite thing when he was a baby were the Children's Place stretchies. There are a few patterns that we have in multiple sizes. I can't wait to pull it all out and sort through it!

3. If you keep up with this little blog of mine, you know that I've been taking a sort of break from Facebook. This has literally been one of the best things I could do for myself. I can still share pictures of Knox (for family and friends who are far away to see) through Instagram and through my blog without having Facebook constantly at my fingertips. I don't have constant notifications popping up on my phone and that annoying red circle with a number on it isn't always lingering above the Facebook icon. Seriously, everyone should give it a try.

4. This little Facebook break has also made me realize how negative and sad Facebook can be. I read through now and it seems like the same people always have negative things to say. And I feel sorry for them. Not in a condescending sort of way. In a I really and truly feel so sorry for them sort of way. I know I shouldn't take Facebook at it's face value as the true indication of someone's life, but really, how can you not? It makes me so sad to think that some people literally have NOTHING joyful to post about. So I've decided to take a new take on this. Instead of simply feeling sorry for these people, I'm going to start praying for them. So just know, if you are always posting negative, sad, berating, depressing things, chances are I'm praying for you. Watch out.

5. I don't guess I have a #5. My life is really not all that exciting. So I'll end #5 with sharing a picture of Knox. You're welcome.

Me: Knox, are you sleepy?
K: yesssssssss. (insert dramatic, can't even hold his head up, sigh)

Have a wonderful weekend, friends!

Perfectly Imperfect.

I have been working on this post for about a week now. I keep leaving it and coming back to it. I know the point I want to get across, but sometimes I have such a hard time actually getting my thoughts out in a way that makes sense.

Struggles. We all have them, right? If you say no, you're lying. I truly believe that at any given point, we are all struggling with something, whether it be big or small.

My current struggles may seem small to you, but there are days that they consume my life. Most have to do with pregnancy, some have to do with raising a strong willed toddler, being the wife God calls me to be, finances, trusting God with it all...you get the point.

Right now I have friends struggling with: finances, divorce, infertility, marriage, raising kids, pregnancy complications, loss of loved ones. I'm going to tell you about two of them. They have no clue that I'm writing this about them, by the way.

Actually, I'm going to let you read one of their stories for yourself, because there is no way I could possibly put into words what she's going through more eloquently than she already has. You can read about her here.  Y'all, this is one of the strongest, most Christ-like women I know. She struggles and she falls and she grieves, but at the end of the day she knows that the only option is to give it up to God, because he DOES have a plan that is bigger than anything we can possibly imagine.

The second is a different kind of story. This friend has a husband who is gone for training for a new job for about six months. We aren't talking sitting in meetings all day training. We are talking the kick your butt physically and emotionally draining stuff. After a week of being there, he had to turn over his cell phone. This is a family man with a wife and two kids at home. He does get to come home on the weekends, but my guess is that it's mostly spent resting and soaking up time with his family. So back to the wife. She has a full-time job and two kids to raise. By herself for six months. Some of you may be single moms who have done this for as long as you can remember, and let me just say: you too, are an amazing woman. I couldn't do it. This friend told me over the weekend, "I'm just so tired. I don't sit down until I go to bed at night. I would never make it as a single mom." And my heart just breaks for her. Because I can't imagine life without Clayton for six months. The training her hubby is in is so exhausting and I know she spends her weekends tending to him and keeping her own struggles at bay and trying not to make him feel any worse about being gone. Let's just say, if it were me...well, pity party table for one please. But even in the midst of all of this, she is asking if she can help with a baby shower for ME and texting to tell me that she read my blog post and not to stress about baby G and that she would be praying. As tired and emotionally drained as she is, she is still putting others first.

I tell you about these two friends to tell you this. They are in the forefront of my mind because I pray for them constantly. And you know what? In doing so, I realize that even though my struggles can sometimes consume or ruin my day, I am not alone. I have friends who are struggling too. And by praying for them, I too find peace. It's a crazy thing, a relationship with Jesus. It is definitely not rainbows and unicorns all the time, but deep down in the depths of my heart, everything is always right when I am walking with Him. Please note I said RIGHT. Not easy, not wonderful, not perfect. Sometimes it's really freaking hard. But it's always right.

My point is, we all struggle. All the time. It's human nature. We are perfectly imperfect. As a child of God, I'm okay with that and I know that this life is temporary. When it's my time to go home, then things will be perfectly perfect. Until then, I have to remind myself that it's okay to struggle. It's okay to have bad days. Because I'm not alone.

It's Not Me, It's You.

One of the leaders in R+F shared with us recently that she does not have the Facebook app on her phone because of the huge distraction that it can be. At first I just sort of blew it off and didn't think much of it because, of course, I don't waste much time on Facebook. HA! Wrong.

Last week I decided to give deleting the app a shot just to see how it went. Y'all- I'm almost embarrassed to say that I felt like a recovering addict going through withdrawals. 

We have become so reliant on social media that it's almost scary. I was NEEDING to see what people had posted and what was going on in their lives. And of course, share with them what was going on in my ever so exciting life.

It's been a week and I feel like a new woman. I can't tell you how much extra time I have during the day to actually be productive! It's amazing. Of course Facebook is an important tool in my business, but I've decided to discipline myself into only doing business related things on there when I am "working" and then letting myself scroll through and read the days events at the end of the day. 

You'd be amazed and how much you can accomplish by simply getting rid of silly little distractions. Like Facebook. Who would have thought?! Now, instead of playing on Facebook, I have time to update my blog which is something I constantly tell myself I want to do. Not because I care if anyone reads it, but because it is something I can share with my kids when they are older. I've tried so many times to keep a journal or a little notebook...I've tried it all and I fail miserably every single time. This is something that is actually manageable for me and I can keep up with. It's a great creative outlet, too! It has allowed me to be more disciplined in my R+F business and my love for design. But very most importantly? It has allowed me to be a better mom. I am not that mom who believes that technology takes away from our families (because if we're being honest, I am more than happy to hand Knox an iPad or an iPhone and let him go to town so I can get some things done) but I HAVE noticed that I'm not saying "hang on just a second, baby" nearly as often as when I was scrolling through my phone and needing to get to where I left off.

Basically, it's just nice to not have the constant distraction of Facebook always right there at my fingertips! So, I'm sorry Facebook. It's not you, it's me. Okay, maybe it's you. But this momma needs a break!

Thank God for grace.

Isn't that what it all boils down to at the end of the day? As Christians, I feel like we get so bogged down by all of the "church stuff." Essentially, everything goes back to having a relationship with Jesus. That's it. Plain and simple. Why is that so hard for us? For me, I think it's because it seems too easy. There's got to be more to it, right? How could such a big God want NOTHING more from us than a personal relationship? Surely there is more to it. Yes? No.

You're going to have to bear with me, because this may be a scattered post. These are things that we have discussed a lot lately in church, things that have been my constant prayers over the last few months, struggles I've had, and so on.

My eyes have really been opened lately to how, as a Christian culture, we have strayed so far from what Christianity truly means. I think what really hit home for me was all of the controversy over Phil Robertson. Social media has given us this huge platform for sharing anything and everything that pops into our minds. GQ asked an old school, southern Christian man about his beliefs and it blows my mind that people were surprised by his response. I think my very favorite part of the whole thing was the quote that came out after. Whether or not Phil actually said it, I have no idea. But there is more truth in this statement than any I've heard in such a long time.

"Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything the believe or do."

It doesn't get much more simple than that. Love God and love people. No matter what. I had to stop looking at my Facebook feed during the whole Duck Dynasty debacle because I just almost couldn't stand it. But I think what bothered me the very most were the posts that came straight out of the Christian community. Whether or not you agree with a homosexual lifestyle doesn't matter at the end of the day. Yes, I just said that. It. Does. Not. Matter. Do you think that posting your disgust for the gay community and your support for Phil Robertson is going to bring anyone to Christ? Probably not. 

We have somehow gotten sucked into this "holier than thou" mentality because we think we know best. Because, I mean, after all, we ARE Christians. No. Just no. I fall short every.single.day. But you know what? Jesus loves me regardless. No less than he did yesterday when maybe my sins weren't quite as bad. (hint: My sins are always equally as bad. Every single day.) I feel like we push people away from Christ with our actions rather than bring them to him. Just because we don't agree with their actions, their lifestyle, their choices, their words...whatever it may be...does not make them any less worthy. Because guess what? WE aren't worthy. Our actions, lifestyle, choices, words are no better than the next person. The difference is that we have a relationship with Jesus and he forgives every single one of our sins every single day. So who are we to decide that someone else isn't worthy of the same forgiveness? 

We take the bible and we twist it and turn it to fit whatever makes us feel the best about what we are doing at any given time. Do you know what the bible boils down to? Love God, love people. I am absolutely no bible expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I am slowly but surely figuring that part out. I had planned on sharing more with you on my thoughts about this particular subject, but since this has gotten crazy long, I think I'll save it for another day!

Yesterday at church our pastor said something that really stood out to me. He simply said, "thank God for grace." What a simple statement that means more than we can even fathom. So yes, thank you God for your unending, unwavering, unfailing grace. Over and over again.