Fears.

We all have them. We all have LOTS of them, whether we are willing to admit it or not. Mine range from worrying if the outfit I'm wearing shows the 10 pounds of baby weight I have leftover from Knox to whether or not I'm a good mom to if my husband knows JUST how much I love and appreciate him even though I'm not the best at expressing it.

While we're admitting things, I'll admit to you that One Tree Hill will forever be one of my favorite shows. Seriously. I laughed, I cried, and I was devastated with the last episode aired. It's okay to laugh at me. I could probably go back and watch each season all over again and enjoy it just as much the second time. Amidst the suspense drama of it all, there were always some really great nuggets of wisdom. Like this one from Whitey. Oh how wise he was.

 

I love this. Because in reality (yes, I know OTH is not reality)  we ARE all afraid. Why are we so ashamed of it? It is human nature to be afraid. It's in our DNA. But instead of hiding from our fears, why not face them head on? Conquer them, or at least give them all you've got. 

Yesterday our message in church was absolutely amazing. It was basically about getting back to Jesus. As Christians in America, we have somehow separated Christianity and truly living for Christ. One of my very biggest fears is that I will miss an opportunity to share Jesus with someone because I am afraid of how they will react or because I'm not sure I have the right words or because I can't quite remember what I learned in church. We talked in our Bible Study group about just being real. It doesn't matter that I don't have the right words. Who really wants to sit there and listen to me recite something that I've practiced a million times? I'm certainly not perfect. Far, far from it in fact. So why would I want people to think that's what I strive to be? I know I'm not perfect, and in Jesus, I don't have to be. He has redeemed me. Every bit of me: good, bad and ugly. 

In Jesus, I can face my fears head on knowing that His plan for my life will prevail no matter what. I may not always make the right choice, but I will always end up back on the path He has laid for me.

Sometimes.

Sometimes being a mom is just plain hard. Agreed? No one ever talks about their hard days. It takes me back to the whole "fakebook" fad a little while back. We are so quick to post how cute our kids are being or how beautiful the day is and how much we are enjoying it. I'm equally as guilty as the next person.

Here is my reality:

Last Thursday, I picked Knox up from MDO and he was happy as could be. He came home and took a nap, woke up, and we were going to go to Clayton's parents for dinner. I got him dressed and we were just about ready to go. He was in the bathroom and all of a sudden came running out scratching at his tongue. I thought he had put soap in his mouth or something, so I set him on the kitchen counter and started trying to look in his mouth. About ten seconds later he started projectile vomiting alllll over the counter. We are talking exorcist style. And it went on and on and on. He finally stopped and I was able to get him in the bathtub to clean him up. Clayton wasn't home because he was already at his parents doing some work for them. I called him freaking out because I didn't really know what to do, and honestly, I didn't know how I was going to clean up the ridiculous amount of vomit on my kitchen counter. Those that know me well know that I DON'T do vomit. I got him bathed and he seemed to be okay. Then he decided he wanted pancakes. Blueberry pancakes. So, I gave them to him. Within fifteen minutes they were all over the floor. And all over me. Back to the bathtub we went. I let him play in there while I washed the pancakes out from between my toes. Clayton came home about that time, so lucky him, he got to clean up the pancake mush on the floor. He threw up a couple more times and then asked to go to bed. That NEVER happens. I put him to bed just knowing that he would be up all night. Thankfully, he slept straight through the night. I thought maybe that meant the bug was behind us, but unfortunately that wasn't so.

The next morning his precious aunt decided that donut holes would be a good breakfast choice. So of course, we saw those again a little while later. After Friday morning though, everything seemed to be heading in the right direction. Thankfully, no more throwing up. Not so thankfully, the liquid filled diapers continued. I won't go into detail, but Clayton had to bathe Knox as soon as he woke up Sunday morning. I'll just leave that one to your imagination.

Fast forward to yesterday (Monday). My dad kept Knox yesterday morning for a couple of hours so I could get some things done. I got a text about an hour into it telling me that he had already changed two awful diapers and his shorts were in the washer. Great. I picked him up, we came home, and he pretty quickly went down for a nap. He woke up with another awful diaper. I changed him, and about five minutes later another one. Changed him again, and immediately, you guessed it ANOTHER one. I was DONE at that point. I thought my head was going to explode if I had to change one.more.diaper. Liquid filled diapers, at that. We rescheduled dinner at Clayton's parents for last night, so after all the diapers and a few fits in between, we finally headed out. Halfway there I heard (and smelled) another one. The smell was so awful that I KNEW it had to be everywhere. So we pulled into a parking lot where I proceeded to throw away the shorts he was wearing. We finally showed up for dinner with Knox and a diaper and me with quite a few new gray hairs.

So today, my house is a wreck, the sink is full of dirty dishes, I have two weeks worth of laundry to catch up on and I had to keep Knox home today. Sometimes, being a mom is just plain hard.

None of this was meant to complain. Even on the hardest days, I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything. But being a mom is usually not glamorous and my kid is pretty much never perfect even remotely well behaved. Does that mean I love him any less? Nope. If anything, most of the time I have to turn around so he doesn't see me laugh. Did I mention that the stomach bug probably came from his new found love for laying on the floor in the middle of public places? You know, super clean places like WalMart. Yeah, that's my life on a daily basis.

So yeah, being a mom to a rough and tumble, rambunctious, wild 21 month old little boy is rough. It's definitely not all rainbows and unicorns. But I love it. I mean, who could resist this?

My Reason Why.

When I first started out on this new adventure with Rodan + Fields, I was told to write my reason why. At the time, it was as simple as, "I want to help provide for my family, and I want to be able to give back." My oh my how that has evolved and changed over the last seven months.

I was not particularly interested in skincare. Okay, I wasn't at ALL interested in skincare. I was the girl who had taken her makeup off with a baby wipe right before bed for YEARS. I would occasionally wash my face with Clayton's face wash if I thought about it. But that was rare. I never had skin problems, so I never felt the need to take care of my skin. My oh my how that has ALSO changed over the last seven months!

I have become completely and totally passionate about skincare. My own, my friends, my family...and pretty much everyone I come into contact with. Skin is the first thing I notice. Don't worry-I promise I'm not silently judging you or picking your face apart. I'm just more aware. I want to shout from the rooftops how damaging the sun can be. And those tanning beds. Oh man. I cringe when I think about the damage I did in my teenage years.

What started as a way to help support my family has turned into so much more. Here is my new and improved reason why:

I will provide for my family. I will have my children's college paid for. In full. I will be completely debt free. I will help underprivileged and homeless children. I will support missionaries. I will take the financial burden off of Clayton. I will invest in my community. I will invest in things I believe in. My children will understand what it means to truly give. As a family, we will be the hands and feet of Jesus-whatever that may mean at the time.

As my passion for skincare has grown, so has my passion for what this business will do for my family. This is truly an amazing company and I am so thankful for this opportunity. As my income grows, so does my ability to fund my passions. I never want my family to be so far removed from reality that we forget what it's like to struggle. So I have made a commitment to myself: We will live a comfortable lifestyle, but we will NEVER stop helping those who need it. We don't need a lavish life to be happy. You can't take it with you when you're gone.

Okay, that's all for today folks. Like I said when I started blogging again, I just need somewhere to spill all my thoughts! :)